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How Needing Certainty About Your Relationship is Keeping You Stuck

Updated: a day ago

Ever spend hours in your head ruminating or researching online trying to find certainty about the doubts you're having only to be left MORE anxious and confused?


So much of Relationship anxiety and OCD is driven by this fear of the unknown.


There is this need to be certain, to know the future, to have the perfect answer, or to be right.


It is driven by the belief that if you don’t have certainty, something bad will happen to you or your relationship.


In response to this fear of uncertainty, the mind tries to seek control. Because the unknown feels so out of your control.


We try to seek control by overthinking and overanalyzing - believing that we will overthink our way into that perfect, certain answer that will eliminate all doubts and discomfort.


We try to find perfect certainty by seeking external validation from others in order to get the “right” answer. What do your friends have to say? What do blogs say about how to know you're with the "right" partner?


We believe that if we had this certainty, then we would be okay, our relationship would be safe, and we wouldn't ever get hurt.


This is a huge part of what is keeping you trapped in the loop of relationship anxiety and OCD.


You know why?


Because in this weird and crazy thing called life, so little is certain.

Especially since human relationships are complex and messy. So much in relationships are uncertain and left in gray areas. There are no black and white answers.


So instead of trying to find safety through certainty, we need to be able to turn inward and trust that we’re going to be okay no matter what. Even though life is

uncertain and filled with risks. Even though putting your heart out there and loving someone is vulnerable.


Despite all of these uncertainties, we can always turn inward to feel safe, secure, and trust in ourselves. We can trust in our inner resilience. We can know how to cultivate that safety and security inside of ourselves, rather than needing that external validation.


And this is a skill that you can learn, even if you don't feel that way right now!


Then and only then can you embrace the uncertainty and move into the unknown. Then you can finally flow with life instead of trying to hold onto certainty and control.


We as humans are resilient. We are capable. We can take the necessary risks of life and love.

We can heal pain. We can work through heart-ache if that were to happen.


We can't predict that future. We can't know anything for certain.


But we can learn to build trust in ourselves, our decision, and our ability to cope with whatever life throws at us.


If you want to build that self-trust, then request a free 30-min Relationship Anxiety Assessment so we can map out your individual steps to feel safe within yourself and break free of the need for control and certainty in your relationship.

Book your free assessment HERE.


Let go of certainty and embrace love wholeheartedly!


Love Over Fear, Always.

Chelsea Joy

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