I want to address one of the most common questions that those with relationship anxiety ask.
And that questions is: How do I know if it’s anxiety or the truth?
Relationship anxiety often consists of intrusive thoughts, questions and doubts about the relationship that cause an anxious or fearful reaction.
And the thoughts feel real. They sound convincing. They threaten the relationship.
So relationship anxiety sufferers often wonder if these thoughts are the truth about the relationship or just anxious fears.
One of the best ways that you can tell if you are in an anxious loop is by understanding how you feel in your body.
When you are in a state of fear or anxiety, your body is in a state of contraction. Your muscles tense. Your breathing is restricted. Your whole body is experiencing this fear state.
And this fear is disproportionate to the situation. So if your fear response to these thoughts and questions in your mind feels intense and overwhelming (even though you are in a safe place and there is no present danger), then that is anxiety speaking.
A thought it just a thought. It’s the body’s reaction that makes it feel like there is a present danger or “problem” with your relationship.
Anxiety latches on to these thoughts because they are about something important to you. It sounds an alarm bell and sends an intense series of reactions throughout your body. It makes you believe that these thoughts are true because it wants you to pay attention.
But those thoughts are not your truth...no matter how convincing anxiety makes it feel.
The truth lives in a place of presence. You can sense it when you are in the here and now, not when you are obsessing about the future or replaying the past.
The truth is the place where you are most connected to your authentic self, your highest Being. It lives in the place where you trust yourself and your decisions.
And at the end of the day, it is your decision that determines the fate of your relationship. It is your choice to be with that person.
It’s so easy to get swept up in the obsessive and intrusive thoughts because you think that they mean you have to leave the relationship. Or you may believe you have to leave if you hear something contradictory about your relationship, or see someone else’s experience that is different than yours.
But it’s YOU that chooses if you want to be with your partner. That is your power. No one can make that decision for you or tell you what to do.
Even if you have the thoughts and anxiety that says “ABORT MISSION!” or “LOOK AT ALL THE EVIDENCE OUT THERE THAT RELATIONSHIPS ARE GOING TO HURT YOU,” it all comes down to choice. You create your path. You create your own reality.
Anxiety takes your focus out of yourself and puts it on everything else. What everyone else is saying. It looks for certainty outside of yourself, which causes you to mistrust your decisions.
But the truth is really simple. It’s the place of presence and trust in your decision.
And if you practice being in the present, you are more able to detect what is the truth and what is anxiety. If you spend the majority of your time inside your head, listening to your thoughts, you will be easily confused.
When you’re not familiar with being present, it’s easy to get caught up in anxiety and become convinced that it is the truth.
But the more you practice being in the here and now, trusting yourself and the wisdom of your body, the more quickly you can detect when anxiety is walking on the scene, feeding you false beliefs.
Your truth does not live in your mind. You’re never going to overthink your way into the answers. You’re not going to ruminate into certainty.
You have to drop into the wisdom of the body, into presence, into connection with yourself. That’s where your truth lives.
From this place, you know that it’s okay to choose your partner. And it’s not the end of the world if you have intrusive or anxious thoughts from time to time.
It doesn’t mean the relationship is wrong if you have these intrusive thoughts.
So if you struggle with relationship anxiety, and the thoughts and doubts are sabotaging your connection with your partner, then I invite you to book a free and obligation-free 30-minute Relationship Assessment.
We’ll map out the exact steps it would take for you to be free from the convincing voice of anxiety so you can be present in your relationship.