Do you find yourself obsessively questioning and doubting your relationship?
Your partner is AMAZING and you KNOW this is a healthy relationship.
But you just can't stop questioning things.
And when these questions and doubts run through your mind, you feel a wave of anxiety fill your body. Tension in your chest. A dropping feeling in your gut.
So you wonder if this means that maybe you're in the wrong relationship and you need to leave.
Why would this anxiety be there if this weren't the case?
Well, I actually want to share with you 2 reasons why you're anxious about your relationship.
And no, it's not because you're in the "wrong" relationship.
*Cue deep sigh of relief*
1. You were taught unhealthy and untrue messages about relationships in your upbringing or surrounding culture.
There are so many messages out there about relationships that can cause us to obsessively question our own.
"When you know, you know."
"You have to find the one!"
"You shouldn't have differences and you should be very similar in many ways."
"You should always feel attracted and connected to your partner."
"The right relationship will be easy."
And the list could go on and on.
Ever heard any of those messages about relationships?
Maybe you have ones from your family, your friends, or the media.
These messages are everywhere.
And if you take these messages at face value, it can cause you to obsessively analyze your own relationship to make sure it measures up to all these standards.
This can lead you into comparing your partner to others, or highlighting at every little flaw.
Your mind may begin to scan your relationship for anything that doesn't match up to these messages, leading you to believe that there's something wrong with the one you're in.
You put all these unrealistic expectations on yourself, your partner, and your relationship and feel immense anxiety whenever things aren't "perfect" like the media conveys.
2. You've had past painful experiences around relationships.
Painful relational experiences can be anything, really. It's not so much about the specifics of the event, but how your body and mind felt during those encounters.
You could have been brought up in a chaotic and unloving household.
You may have witnessed your parents tumultuous marriage or divorce.
You may have been bullied.
You could have experienced a difficult breakup or divorce of your own.
These types of experiences taught you that to open your heart up to another person is dangerous. That love leads to pain. That you always have to keep your guard up.
These experiences cause you to pull back and feel anxious about letting yourself love and trust someone.
So, now, in your current relationship, your subconscious mind is doing everything it can to keep you at arms distance from intimate love and connection.
If you're constantly doubting and questioning, you're not fully connecting. You've likely got one foot out the door, which is the goal of anxiety. It wants to protect you from ever getting too close to someone and being hurt again.
Being anxious about your relationship is just the surface. It's just pointing you to these unhealed areas of pain and unconsciousness. The anxiety and fear is the barrier to deep love and connection.
And I want you to know that it's absolutely possible to heal these barriers so that you can fully embrace your relationship without the constant anxiety and second-guessing.
Imagine what it would feel like to be able to be present with your partner, rather than having these anxious thoughts running through your mind in the background.
Imagine what it would feel like to be able to enjoy your relationship without worrying if it's "wrong."
Imagine what it would be like if anxiety was no longer the third wheel in your relationship.
It would be pretty freakin liberating.
You can have this freedom.
You deserve to feel this way in your relationship.
And if you're ready to take the first step in finding freedom from relationship anxiety, then I want to invite you to my free private Facebook community, Moving Beyond Fear.
This is a community of over 200 others who experience anxiety in their relationships, just like you.
You'll learn daily tools to help you overcome fear so that you can fully embrace love.
Join the amazingly supportive community HERE.
I can't wait to see you in there!
Love Over Fear, Always.
Chelsea Joy Horton
About the author:
Chelsea is a Board Certified Dance/Movement Therapist, Relationship Anxiety/OCD Specialist, and Body-Mind Integration Expert. She has facilitated hundreds of sessions with those experiencing debilitating anxiety. With thousands of hours working in inpatient and outpatient mental health, she has walked countless people through full-blown panic/anxiety attacks. Having 10 years of education and personal/professional experience with anxiety, she prides herself in being able to hold supportive and empathic space for you. Not every relationship coach has been through the torment that is Relationship Anxiety and come out the other side. She's been where you are and knows deep in her bones that it is possible for you to confidently love your partner.